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Kohlmann S.E. magister of pedagogical sciences, English teacher Düren, Germany
Kurilovich M.A., candidate of psychological sciences Russian State Social University (Minsk Branch)
Minsk, Belarus
THE PROBLEM OF TOLERANT CONSCIOUSNESS DEVELOPMENT AT DIFFERENT STAGES OF A FAMILY DEVELOPMENT CYCLE
Summary. The article deals with the problem of tolerant consciousness development formation in spouses at different stages of a family life cycle. Such components as the ability to empathy, communicative tolerance, satisfaction in marriage, rigidity are viewed as the components of the tolerant behavior of spouses. The description of the components of tolerant behavior of spouses at different stages of their family development will make it possible to provide effective consultation service to married couples during different periods of their family lives.
Key words: tolerant consciousness; family life cycle; ability to empathy; communicative tolerance; marriage contentment; mental rigidity.
Marriage relations have always been of special interest for researchers, as the family presents one of the fundamental society institutions. The state of a family serves both as a consequence of and a reason for a number of developments taking place in a modern society. The family does not only experience a powerful influence of all factors of social dynamics, but it also determines and reproduces these factors.
To love and to be loved is the basic human demand, which is realized in family creation. The notion of a family is inseparably connected with procreation and traditions. The traditions are formed according to the social status of a family. Its social status is determined by the function of its members in the structure of the society. A family member personal qualities development depends on vertical and horizontal relations between its structural elements. A family like any other living organism has its normal dynamics; its stability is based on the psychological understanding of the behavior logic of the family members involved. Emotional
attitude is the indicator of a family structure mental representation. If a family is treated as a small social group, its psychological climate (microstructure) is determined by structural changes connected with children upbringing. A healthy family (normal development depending on the stage) is an open structure. If a family starts creating semi closed walls, it can mean that inside the family problems exist. The problem children behavior can detect unsolved psycho emotional live situations within a family. The success of a family therapist lies in the ability to make it possible for a family to destroy its walls and to come over (in its inner development) to a new development cycle [9].
The family as the primary socialization institution lays the foundations of a personality's tolerant role behavior. The culture of family relations determine the general positive orientation of a personality, at the basis of which there lies the ability to establish positive relations with other people, to create a self-image. The positive self- image is created thanks to the positive attitude of other people. Unmarried couples are supposed to possess an inner conflict connected with the negative evaluation of a civil marriage, the result of which is a negative self-perception of a person, which is then reflected in rigid and intolerant attitudes while interacting in the society. More than that, the emotional channel enabling people perception is blocked, the anticipation ability is low, which leads to reduced ability to predict other people's behavior, and as a result - impossibility of self-realization and satisfaction of social requirements [8].
Research into family relations is important because of its role in the formation of the core of a person's identity. Marriages are based on love expressed in feeling and emotions. The research of the relations between spouses is problematic as experimental methods are hardly applicable [10]. Nowadays there observed a lack of empirical research into tolerant consciousness, tolerant behavior and tolerant personality. The research that could summarize the empirical material already obtained is also scarce.
Family is where a person forms the ability to establish positive relations with others. The spouses' tolerant behavior manifests itself in their wish to reach understanding by means of dialogue and cooperation. A family's life cycle is a certain sequence of stages any family follows according to its members' physiological and moral changes. The success of interpersonal cooperation and mutual understanding lies in the ability of each of the spouses to accept oneself and the other, to empathize and support each other. It is supposed that the tolerant consciousness of a couple changes together with the change of their children's place in a family structure (kindergarten, school, etc.) [6,7].
Speaking about tolerance as a characteristic of a personality, it is important to notice that the key words that define this notion are connected with the idea of acceptance of "the other" and the recognition of the fact that each person is free and has to keep to their own opinion, to be independent and that the communication of independent people has to be on equal terms without the dominance of a single point of view. Only on this condition full understanding of
others is possible [5].
As L.S. Konopleva claims it is better to diagnose the components of spouses' tolerant consciousness at different stages of a family's life cycle according to the following pattern: "According to the model of family members' relations analysis, emotional and role levels of relations are to be analyzed, which corresponds the definition of the main factors of tolerant consciousness formation: the ability to establish positive relations with other people and the formation of a positive image of oneself. It is also suggested to diagnose the level of tolerant consciousness by both, internal (emotional, inner, evaluating) and external (role, outer, behavioral) criteria. To diagnose the internal aspect of tolerant consciousness the technique "Diagnosis of empathy abilities level" (V.V. Boiko) is suggested - the ability to empathize is an interior mechanism of people's acceptance and understanding of each other at communication, it allows to foresee and forecast the emotional state of others. Empathy helps to identify oneself while communicating with another person in order to understand their emotional sphere. In addition to that, with the help of „Marriage satisfaction questionnaire" (V.V. Stolin) it is possible to establish the level of emotional background of spouses' relations or psychological climate in a family. As a result the level of spouses' emotional attitude to their family will serve as an indicator of the tolerant consciousness development of a personality. The external (behavioral) level of tolerant consciousness is diagnosed with the help of the following techniques:"Tomsk rigidity questionnaire" (G.V. Zalevskiy), rigidity - inability to act one's own role, to foresee the roles of others and as a result, inability to act one's own role in relation to the others; "General communicative tolerance" (V.V. Boiko) - the ability to positively communicate with other people" [7, p. 55,56].
The division of the samples studied is based on the classification of Avner Barkai. The author suggests analyzing married couples according to the different social status of the children in a family [4].
L.S. Konopleva in her investigation of empathy ability at different stages of a family development comes to the following conclusion:"The development of a family's social structure facilitates the development of the empathy abilities of parents, as, while educating the others, the parents better learn to accept another person, to put themselves into their position. Empathy abilities grow alongside with their children's age" [3; p.37].
Analyzing the development of general communicative tolerance at different stages of a family life, the researcher comes to the following conclusion:"Families whose children attend kindergartens should be mentioned specially. Their motives of intolerant behavior grow. This can be explained by the fact that their parents have to adjust themselves to their child (an element of the system) attending the kindergarten (goes on to a new level of socialization, connected with the broadening the system's borders). The parents are stressed once their child goes to the kindergarten, as judging by the child's behavior in the kindergarten the family's upbringing system will be evaluated. It is like testing the family's success
from the side of the society. When the child leaves the family, their personality enters an adult phase, where the role of the parents is lowered. The parents are becoming more tolerant to other people. A family development is a double-sided process. The development of children in society enables the development of communicative tolerance of parents [2].
Analyzing rigidity and marriage satisfaction at different stages of a family development the above-mentioned author states thaf'marriage satisfaction gets gradually lower at the beginning of a family life, later, when the children become more independent, get higher again. The results of the research coincide with the data obtained by other scientists. This can by explained by the fact that in those families where children are in an active socializing stage, the parents are constantly strained. Their stress at that is the result of their own upbringing. The sense of responsibility and duty are brought up, moral- and ethical requirements to oneself and to others are developed" [1, p. 4,5].
Love can be learned, the feeling of love can be developed. It is not possible to love without being able to empathize, and one cannot empathize without love. To develop the feeling of love and the ability to empathize is possible once one is conscious of being united with the environment, ready to accept a different person inside oneself and fell oneself a part of the other. Studying the books on psychology, special attention should be paid to the important role of empathy in the formation of a tolerant personality, especially in women, as the psychological climate of a family depends mostly on a woman. Harmonious partnership relations are very important for a woman, as she is responsible for the family to build on, for the children's upbringing. Tolerance, love, empathy are only possible when there is a wish to realize the highest social requirements alongside with the feeling of unity with the society and the feeling of love to the nature of another man as he is. It is required to develop empathy on the basis of realization of psychological nature of love expressed in the formula - to accept "the other one" in yourself and be able to be inside "the other" (I am him, and he is me).
Использованные источники:
1. Коноплёва Л.С. Анализ ригидности и удовлетворённости браком у семейных пар с разным социальным статусом детей в структуре семьи / Л.С. Коноплёва, М.А. Курилович// Universum: Психология и образование: электрон. научн. журн. 2014. № 3 (4). URL: http://www.7universum.com/en/psy /archive /item/1089
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