Научная статья на тему 'Parents’ role in nurturing the self image in children'

Parents’ role in nurturing the self image in children Текст научной статьи по специальности «Философия, этика, религиоведение»

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Ключевые слова
SELF IMAGE / РОДИТЕЛИ / PARENTS / ДЕТИ / CHILDREN / ОБРАТНАЯ СВЯЗЬ / FEEDBACK / SELF CRITICISM / САМООЦЕНКА / САМОКРИТИКА

Аннотация научной статьи по философии, этике, религиоведению, автор научной работы — Bachar S.

As far as the child thinks good things about himself, as far as he believes in himself, as far as he believes in his abilities the experience of self image is subjective, and also dependent on experiences of success and failure, but particularly from feedback that they receive from people, who are important to them. Therefore positive reinforcements that the children receive from their parents (and also from teachers) are important. You don’t need to fake and always say to them how wonderful and amazing they are, because they won't believe you. It is recommended to always say to them how much you love them, but also to give them feedback that is to the point and supportive about their behavior, positive and negative.

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РОЛЬ РОДИТЕЛЕЙ В ФОРМИРОВАНИИ САМООЦЕНКИ У ДЕТЕЙ

В статье говорится о том, что формирование самооценки у детей во многом зависит от обратной связи, которую они получают от людей, которые наиболее важны для них. Прежде всего, это родители, учителя. В этой связи положительное подкрепление, которое дети получили от своих родителей (и учителей) очень важно. Автор приходит к выводу, что при взаимоотношении с детьми не нужно одобрять абсолютно всё, что они делают. Дети, привыкнув к постоянному одобрению, перестают верить взрослым, и ценность одобрения для них теряется. Гораздо важнее постоянно давать детям обратную связь как положительную, так и отрицательную. Но при этом главное говорить детям о любви к ним, что бы они понимали, что можно ошибаться и не все поступки будут одобрены, но любовь родителей останется неизменной. Это является залогом формирования положительной самооценки у ребёнка.

Текст научной работы на тему «Parents’ role in nurturing the self image in children»

Библиографический список

1. Уголовно-процессуальныйкодекс РоссийскойФедерации от 18.12.2001N 174-ФЗ.

2. Романов В.В., Кроз В.М. Юридическая психология. Москва, 2004.

3. Зуева Л.Ю. Личностные и профессионально важные качества как основа профессиональной компетентности дознавателя. Психопедагогика в правоохранительных органах. Омск, 2009; 1.

4. Романов В.В., Кроз М.В. Психологическая оценка при профессиональном отборе кадров для прокуратуры (современное состояние иперспоктивь.). Вооеосыесииологои. 19в4;П.

5. Романова Е.С. 99 популярных профессий. Психологический анализ и профессиограммы. Санкт-Петербург, 2003.

Reference-

0. UodOovno-arodessual'nyjkoeeksRopsaCskeeFe9er6e-iot 18.12.в00СЫ 17Ы-92.

2. Romanov V.V., Kroz V.M. Yuridicheskaya psihologiya. Moskva, 2004.

3. Zueva L.Yu. Lichnostnye i professional'no vazhnye kachestva kak osnova professional'noj kompetentnosti doznavatelya. Psihopedagogika vpraeooheanitel'ayOo r.anoh.Ood sO.COO 9. 1.

4. Romanov V.V., Kroz M.V. Psihologicheskaya ocenka pri professionalem otbore kadrov dlya prokuratury (sovremennoe sostoyanie i pers-рок-лу). Woprooyes^ohgümeOA'n.

5. Romanova E.S. 99 populyarnyh professij. Psihologicheskij analiz i professiogrammy. Sankt-Peterburg, 2003.

Статья поступила в редакцию 10.05.17

ОДКГ59

Bachar S., teacher, Israel; PhD student of the ULIM University of Chishnau, (Chishnau, Moldova),

E-mail: jsirota1976@gmail.com

PARENTS' ROLE IN NURTURING THE SELF IMAGE IN CHILDREN. As far as the child thinks good things about himself, as far as he believes in himself, as far as he believes in his abilities - the experience of self image is subjective, and also dependent on experiences of success and failure, but particularly from feedback that they receive from people, who are important to them. Therefore positivereinforcementsthatthe children receive from theirparents (andalsofrom teachers) areimportant.Youdon't need to fake and always say to them how wonderful and amazing they are, because they won't believe you. It is recommended to always say to them how much you love them, but also to give them feedback that is to the point and supportive about their behavior, positive and negative.

Key words: self image, parents, children, feedback, self criticism.

Ш. Бачар, преподаватель в средней школе, Израиль; аспирант, государственный университет УЛИМ, г. Кишинёв,

Mondaeen,E-mail:jsirota1976@gmail.com

РОЛЬРОДИТЕЛЕЙ В ФОРМИРОВАНИИСАМООЦЕНКИ У ДЕТЕЙ

Мстадье говорится о дом, что форморовдЕие самсоценки ддееейво многомздвисютот обшлтнедавяди, кдтосую они получают от людей, которые наиболее важны для них. Прежде всего, это родители, учителя. В этой связи положительное подкрепЕение.юкороадеои полюдилиоасеоедеоюитслдй(ирсиселмс) очмсьважно. АвтоеприхРЕит KBbiBevmsho при взаимоотношении с детьми не нужно одобрять абсолютно всё, что они делают. Дети, привыкнув к постоянному одобрению, пересиа ют верить взрослым, и ценность одобрения для них теряется. Гораздо важнее постоянно давать детям обратную связь как положительную, так и отрицательную. Но при этом главное говорить детям о любви к ним, что бы они понимали, птдашжноошибатьия и не все постсекс avflye 0Е0брены, ее ^к^^ррд doflителehhceaveтshнchзaedной. Это ядяется галогом формирования положительной самооценки у ребёнка.

Ключевые слова: самооценка, родители, дети, обратная связь, самокритика.

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An important aspect of self image is realistic self criticism. It is important that children (and adults) be honest with themselves, and identifies their strengths and weaknesses. Recognising strengths is important, because a belief in strengths allows one to invest effort and reach achievements. Therefore positive reinforcements given to the child about his strengths are so very important. A short sentence like:

"You draw so beautifully", "You know how to manage excellently with friends", "and you're very good at basket ball". These are sentences of feedback that strengthen the child's awareness of his strengths [1].

In the same way, it is important to meet with and know which the weaknesses are. Not to insult, to attack or accuse, but instead to know the weaker aspects, that cause difficulty, and search for ways

of coping with them. In order to recognize weaknesses it is necessary not to be afraid of them, to know that nobody is perfect, and that there is a way to improve things [2].

The child needs to hear direct and clear sentences that reflect his difficulties. Take for example: "You get irritated when you don't succeed and you give up quickly", or" When someone insults you, you cry, and don't manage to answer them", or you don't like new places" or "It's hard for you to organize things in their place". When the criticism isn't insulting, the child can take responsibility for his mistakes. To correct them, to take punishment, and to continue on within realistic self criticism [3].

The same approach of dealing in matter of fact way with strengths and weaknesses can also be useful for parents. After all they are also imperfect. They also can benefit from identification of strengths (that will help them cope and function) and identification of weaknesses (of which to search for solutions).! believe in the 'model' effect, which is to say, that as much as the parents demonstrate to their children that they aren't afraid of realistic self criticism, that they don't deny it, get pressured by it and don't get in a panic because of their difficulties, so also will their children learn to react in a similar way [3].

When there are difficulties the child is meant to search for some of the solutions by himself.

Even though parents want their children to have happy and satisfying lives, there is no way of insuring that the child won't have any sort of difficulty in his whole life and also in first grade. Difficulties are a normal part of life, and they need to learn to cope and live with them [4].

For some of the children's difficulties, the parents find solutions by themselves: they talk with teachers, find outside help, they give advice and so on. There is no doubt that children in first grade require their parents' assistance, and can't cope with all their difficulties by themselves. However a very important aspect of strengthening self confidence and the Childs feeling of ability is that they take an active part in the process of searching for solutions. When only parents always solve problems, the children learn that the parents are clever and strong, and they aren't. When children search for solutions for their problems by themselves- they get stronger [4].

It is the parents' role 'to call the problem by its name' to say what is the problem that we are looking for a solution for. For example, preparing homework, tidying the room, friends, brothers, or any other subject. Always ask the child what he suggests to do, what can help? If he has an idea that sounds possible, it is always advisable to follow his solution, which he is more committed to .If the child doesn't suggest solutions, the parents can suggest two possible solutions, and ask the child to choose the one that suits him the best. It is always important that the child is involved in the solution, and will want it .That he will feel that he is capable of acting according to his word; otherwise the solutions stay as unfulfilled ideas [4].

For example, the child tells that the teacher insulted him .The parents try to understand what offended him, to be empathetic to his feelings (this will be discussed in detail in the next section about communication), and try to think together with him about what can possibly be done? The child doesn't know what to do, he's angry and hurt, and has no ideas .The parents suggest maybe trying to go up to the teacher in intermission and saying that he was insulted, or maybe writing a note together at home explaining his feelings, and he will just give it to the teacher .Then the child decides which way suits him.

The process of looking for solutions is important in its self, particularly when the child is an active partner, and in that way practices problem solving skills. Skills that will help him in first grade and throughout his life.

In conclusion, it is the role of parents to talk with their children-to maintain open lines of communication.

Parents are meant to listen to the child, to the obvious things he says, and to the messages he sends through his body language, or by way of his behavior .To listen and to understand the intention of the child .When he says that he is bored, maybe it's hard for him .When he says that he is angry, maybe he is insulted .The listening and understanding, will lead to an empathic response of accepting the child's feelings, and supporting him [2].

The child can feel free to say what's in his heart, to share with his parents, also about less pleasant content t, or about feelings of anxiety and anger .The parent can also say what is in his heart, and to talk to the child 'at eye level ', so that the closeness between them will support the child, also in difficult situations [4].

We are talking about direct, clear communication, which includes criticism as little as possible, and listening as much as pos-

sible, genuine interest and understanding .That is communication, that isn't blocked even when there is anger or anxiety, also when it's difficult to speak, also when it's not clear where the talking is leading to .That is the regular communication that exists in relationships between parents and children and of course in difficult, stress situations .It increases the likelihood of solving the problems and getting the feeling of becoming closer in the connection, two things that all parents want

In the words of a child beginning to learn in first grade, apparently these were the advice of his parents:

"Mum, Dad,

Now I'm in first grade .A so called' big 'child .I need to learn many things :to arrive in class on time, to sit quietly, to copy accurately and quickly from the board into my notebook, to keep an eye on my school bag, and my other articles so they don't get lost, to get on with my new friends, to concede, to wait for my turn and more and more .I know that you are relying on me to stand up to all that, more or less [4].

I said 'so called big'. Actually, perhaps at home, beside you I will return to being almost like a small child .Maybe sometimes I'll cry from so much stress, even though for a long time I haven't cried for no reason, maybe I will stick to you too much like I did once when I really was small l. Simply because it's abet scary to suddenly be big, and suddenly independent .It may be, that I might even open my mouth to unwind bait .Bite my finger nails, suck my finger, and maybe maybe even... wet the bed .Of course I'm not sure that all that will happen to me, but if it does happen, please understand me, if I don't manage to grow up in one go, in both the places .Also at home and also at school, and don't be alarmed. Stay calm, and that way help me to find myself again."

Allow me to be a little spoilt, after all your my parents, and you were also under stress when you started to work in a new place or moved apartment .But just as you coped so will I cope, believe in me! It will pay off...[4].

And now, a few more requests:

Please is my parents, and not my teachers.

Please don't preach to me and don't criticize me .Just encourage me, that's enough.

Please doesn't ask me "Whets with you?" What's going on with you?", "Why are you like that?" That won't help. If I want to talk about it myself just listen. And if not-see by that a message that says that I'd rather keep a few problems to myself. It's my right isn't it? It's even a sign of maturity and independence says the psychologists.

Please, take an interest in my lessons but not too much. Don't do them instead of me- even if I ask. It's alright if it is bait crocked at the beginning, I'm still a novice.

Help me a little bit to prepare a daily routine, I'm still weak in that, but let me get organized in it by myself at my own speed.

And most importantly- if you can, be at home for me .So there will be someone to talk to, to share what I'm going through. Listen to me. Not only to words, listen to my facial expressions, moods, and to behavior, and if you understand or at least try to understand what I'm going through-I will know that wasn't in vain that I bothered to write you this letter.

Thank-you for your attention, me"

I hope, that these estimated words of the child, will touch the hearts of parents, and help them to direct their assistance, which their children need when they enter first grade.

In conclusion, it is recommended that parents pay attention and give thought to the child and themselves when entering first grade.

This is the only time that the child will start school, and it is the only chance to start on 'the right foot '.To start with the right approach, with the correct habits, in order to succeed and enjoy studying .All the following years in school will be built on the base of first grade .Not that it isn't possible to change and improve things further on, of course it is possible, but it is much better if the base is well established and will make things easier in the following years.

Therefore you need to make sure that you don't push too much for technical achievements in first grade,-in the end they all read, write and know their multiplication tables .You don't need to get stressed about every mishap or delay that is likely to occur .It is more important to support children so that they will believe in themselves, and so that they will want to learn.

It is important to remember that children learn in school for 12 years, in primary, intermediate and high school , and after that there is an expectation, that they will continue on to learn in university and

higher education .We are talking about a long run, that requires 'a deep breath' to succeed in it. Therefore achievements in first grade are less important, and the establishment of basic learning habits and motivation to learn-are more important.

The aim of parents and professionals is to assist the child to realize his learning potential.

From my experience I have come across children who were basically talented, but who when they reached high school and matriculation exams, didn't want to learn anymore .Not just due to emotional reasons that are perhaps connected to characteristics of adolescence, but also because of an accumulative resistance to studying that began in primary school and wasn't remedied .It's a disappointment and hurts a lot when a talented child becomes an 'under -achiever' and doesn't realize his ability because of his resistance to studying, or other reasons.

Библиографический список

Let's not forget, first grade is adapted to suit children entering first grade.

First grade is a fascinating experience, challenging and enjoyable for children .It is suited to their age group, to their maturity characteristics, as has been detailed in this article .Children are curious, full of energy and wanting to learn .With the support of teachers and parents, first grade is meant to a successful year for children .It is recommended to think of it in that way.

Children don't need to be perfect, neither do teachers, neither do parents, everyone needs to be 'good enough' and still the experience of first grade, will be good

And so in conclusion, my blessing is - to all the children and all the parents, that they will have a successful entrance into first grade, and many pleasurable years of studying in school which continue after...

1. Фейн С. & Спенсер С.Ю. Утверждая себя через умаление других. Журнал индивидуальности и социальной психологии. 1997; 73: 31 - 44.

2. Баумейстер РФ., Кэмпбелл Д.Д., Крюгер Ж.И., Вогс К.Д. (2003). Высокая самооценка приводит к высокой производительности, межличностному успеху, счастью или здоровому образу жизни? Психологическая Наука в интересах общества. 2003; 4 (1): 1 - 44.

3. Available at: http://www.kvn.org.il/heb/Project/3

4. Шехтер Л.Д., Гилберт Д.Т., Дэниел М.В. Психология. 2-е изд. Нью-Йорк, 2011. References

1. Fejn S. & Spenser S.Yu. Utverzhdaya sebya cherez umalenie drugih. Zhurnal individual'nosti i social'noj psihologii. 1997; 73: 31 - 44.

2. Baumejster R.F., K'empbell D.D., Kryuger Zh.I., Vogs K.D. (2003). Vysokaya samoocenka privodit k vysokoj proizvoditel'nosti, mezhlichnos-tnomu uspehu, schast'yu ili zdorovomu obrazu zhizni? Psihologicheskaya Nauka vinteresah obschestva. 2003; 4 (1): 1 - 44.

3. Available at: http://www.kvn.org.il/heb/Project/3

4. Shehter L.D., Gilbert D.T., D'eniel M.V. Psihologiya. 2-e izd. N'yu-Jork, 2011.

Статья поступила в редакцию 27.05.17

УДК 159.9.07

Aminov N.А., Cand. of Science (Psychology), senior lecturer, leading researcher, Laboratory of Differential Psychology and Psychophysiology, Psychological Institute of the Russian Academy of Education (Moscow, Russia), E-mail: aminovpirao@yandex.ru

Blokhinа L.N., Cand. of Science (Psychology), Chief State Customs Inspector of the Coordination of Psychologists of Federal Customs Service of Russia (Moscow, Russia), E-mail: lnblohina2004@mail.ru

Chernyavskaya V.S., Doctor of Sciences (Pedagogy), Professor, Vladivostok State University of Economics and Service (Vladivostok, Russia), E-mail: valstan13@mail.ru

Sarsembaeva E.Yu., Master of Psychology, senior teacher, Department of Pedagogy and Sports Innovative University of Eurasia (Pavlodar, Kazakhstan), E-mail: elmasars@mail.ru

PSYCHOPHYSIOLOGICAL FOUNDATIONS FOR THE MANAGEMENT OF LEADERSHIP. An attempt is made to study the psychological manifestations of the strength of the central nervous system regulatory unit of the central nervous system, or the rate of recovery of vegetative balance in senior managers. The results show that one of the main factors for achieving maximum success in the professional activity of the head of the structural unit of the state organization is the predominance in the physiological profile of a person's temperament of the inhibitory force of the central nervous system, which results in the ability to suppress distress in the process of interaction with people and make optimal decisions in extreme conditions, while maintaining optimal performance. Key words: CNS regulatory block, excitation force, braking force, distress, ability to self-regulation.

Н.А. Аминов, канд. психол. наук, доц., ведущий научный сотрудник лаборатории дифференциальной психологии и психофизиологии, ФГБНУ «Психологический институт Российской академии образования», г. Москва, Е-mail: аminovpirao@yandex.ru

Л.Н. Блохина, канд. психол. наук, главный государственный таможенный инспектор отдела координации работы психологов Федеральной таможенной службы России, г. Москва, Е-mail: lnblohina2004@mail.ru

В.С Чернявская, д-р пед. наук, проф. каф. философии и юридической психологии Владивостокского Госуниверситета

экономики и сервиса, г. Владивосток, Е-mail: valstan13@mail.ru

Э.Ю. Сарсембаева, магистр психологии, старший преподаватель департамента

«Педагогика и спорт» Инновационного Евразийского университета, г. Павлодар, Е-mail: elmasars@mail.ru

ПСИХОФИЗИОЛОГИЧЕСКИЕ ОСНОВЫ СПОСОБНОСТИ К РУКОВОДСТВУ

Исследование выполнено при поддержке Российского фонда фундаментальных исследований, проект 17-06-00281.

В работе была предпринята попытка исследования психологических проявлений силы регуляторного блока центральной нервной системы (ЦНС), или скорости восстановления вегетативного баланса у руководителей высшего звена. Результаты показали, что одним из главных факторов достижения максимальной успешности в профессиональной деятельности руководителя структурного подразделения государственной организации является преобладание в физиологическом профиле темперамента человека силы торможения регуляторного блока ЦНС, следствием которого является умение подавлять дистресс в процессе взаимодействия с людьми и принимать оптимальные решения в экстремальных условиях при сохранении оптимальной работоспособности.

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Ключевые слова: регуляторный блок ЦНС, сила возбуждения, сила торможения, дистресс, способность к саморегуляции.

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