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Section 13. Philology
Iplina Antonina Alexandrovna, Poetess, member of Writers' Union of Uzbekistan, Ph D researcher, Namangan State University, Namangan, Uzbekistan E-mail: [email protected]
ORIGINAL POEM RECONSTRUCTION FEATURES
Abstract: In the article some poetry translating problems in comparative and contrastive aspects are revealed. Translator's skills in Uzbek poetry genre are with due account taken of philosophical seriousness, composition, conditional and epic characters, specific features of images, language simplicity, intonation and author's manner. The Uzbek poetry of the seventies-eighties of the 20th century represented by its brilliant poet such as Abdullah Oripov in its original language and four translations into Russian which are analyzed and compared in the aspect of "form and content".
Keywords: poetic picturesqueness, translating skills, means of language, original poetry reconstruction in translation.
Getting started with the translation of a poetic work, it is necessary to conduct a deep analysis, because the unity of the verse is manifested at the metric, intonation, syntactic and semantic levels. Thus, any piece of poetic art represents a complex interaction of many factors [1].
So, comparing the Uzbek and Russian poems by the number of feet, you can identify the problem of recreating the original in translation. We offer to consider and study the poem ofAbdulla Aripov "Тилла бали^ча" [2]. (Золотая рыбка / A Gold Fish), which is one of the most famous of the poet's works, in details in the original Uzbek language:
Тухумдан чщди-ю, келтирибуни Шу лоща цовузга томон отдилар. Ташландик ушок ебутар куни, Хору хас, хазонлар устин ёпдилар. Дунёда кургани шу тор цовузча Ва гамжум толларнинг аччик хазони. Менга алам килар, тилла балщча Бир кулмак цовуз деб билар дунёни!
(Word-for word translation: From the egg hatched, brought her/ Threw to this clay pond./ The livelong day feeds abandoned drops./ From above garbage and fallen
leaves cover./ Looks at the world through this small pond/ And the bitter leaves of many willows./ It hurts me that goldfish / Knows the world on a pond like a puddle.)
One of the most important aspects of the comparison of translation with the original is the degree of accuracy in the transfer of the main characteristics of the original work by the translator. The poetic text, as was repeatedly emphasized by the researchers, has a multidimensional character. It is characterized by a complex interaction of different levels, reflecting both the general laws of the language, and purely specific plans (rhythm, stanza, phonetics). The last ones impose restrictions on the text, requiring to comply with certain metrorhythmic standards, are organized on the phonetic, syntactic, lexical levels [3].
Also, an important characteristic of the poetic text is its imagery. The very concept of the image has different interpretations. Most traditional approaches are to understand the character of those associations which they are generated, as either type of the path or shape of the underlying opposition (or, conversely, based on communication) of two or more associated words in the text [4].
ORIGINAL POEM RECONSTRUCTION FEATURES
In the short poem ofA. Aripov "A gold fish" it was created an image that contains great meaning. Here-another "sharp edge" of modern life. Goldfish, born in an abandoned pond, does not suspect that there are other water spaces in the world. This small space is the whole world for her. That's where the climax of poetic thought! After all, many more can be found in the lives ofpeople like this Golden fish, who are looking at the world only through their narrow, smoky stench of the "window". Against them such a poem as "A Gold fish» was written (from a personal conversation with the author of the original).
Obviously, there are several ways to transfer an image while translating. Thus, the translator can convey the image accurately, replace one of the elements with another, or replace both elements of the model by entering his own image that is not presented in the original.
Let us consider the specific expression of different strategies of translation of the poetic imagery of this poetry in more details in Russian. Today there are four poetic translations of this poem known. Each of them has its own interesting and reports originally the plastic and the music of the original. We will try to analyze the degree of their proximity to the original, their achievements and failures, and of course, which of the translations conveys most fully the originality of the original. Version ofA. Feinberg's translation: [5] Осенний пруд. Витает паутина. Плывешь. Твои моря не глубоки. Среди кувшинок, зарослей и тины Мерцают золотые плавники. Откуда здесь ты, рыбка золотая, Гнилые сучья. Комары. Туман. Плывет спокойно, ничего не зная, И мнится ей, что это - океан...
So, his translation at first glance, is far enough from the original. Almost all text of the poem is abounded with inaccuracies, and only the last two lines correspond remotely with the thoughts, expressed by the author of the original. As a result, it can be called rather a variation on the theme - the translator approached the reproduction of the original so "creatively". Thus, the seeming freedom in the deployment and interpretation of the author's ideas, adapting them to the values of a different culture can give a new life to the product. But without accepting the author's idea, the translator could not fill the original adequately. Although he managed to achieve
imagery, content and artistic structure, expression using the lexical means of the Russian language, he adapted and Russified this poem. Therefore, in general it is the least successful translation of this text.
Translated by A. Naumov: [6] Едва от рожденья - попала она в тот грязный, заиленный хауз, и крошки ловила, и илом со дна играла,
и в нем задыхалась.
И всё, что на свете ей видеть пришлось -
лишь хауз, да палые листья
разросшихся талов,
да небо, насквозь
прошитое веткою лысой.
Лишь хауз заброшенный с грязной водой
с листвой полусгнившей
да илом...
И горько, что рыбке моей золотой вот это -и кажется миром.
The variant proposed by A. Naumov is also not quite successful. His text conveys the content of the original very freely. Arhipov's "simplicity" emotionally pumped excessive phraseological repetitions of the description of habitats of fish that creates a very dull picture. It follows that the translator was deeply imbued with an emotional state to convey the landscape of the poem, which resulted in an increase in the volume of the poetic work from octet to three quatrains, where verbosity does not contribute to dynamics.
Translation by H. Mamatova: [7] На свет лишь только появилась, Как тотчас же её Забросили в этот грязный пруд. Под слоем мусора, средь ила В охоте за гнильём С тех пор спокойно дни её текут. И много лет она лишь только знает Свой тесный пруд да горечь листьев ив. Обидно мне, что рыбка золотая Живёт, в лоханку целый мир вместив. H. Mamatova has a similar situation with A. Nau-mov. Trying to get closer to the original and convey the Eastern style and intonation, it increased the volume of the verse to 10 lines, as well as the structural organization
of the verse. As you can see, in her variant "fractures" of rhythm are observed in the first six lines, where the first one rhymes with the fourth, the second one with the fifth and the third one with the sixth stanza.
And that's how the poem looks in the translation of M. K. Hamraev: [8]
Когда икринкой быть чуть-чуть осталось, Её забросили в наш пруд заросший. Отбросами кормилась и плескалась Она в воде несвежей, нехорошей. Что видела она на глади зыбкой? Траву и листья, дно с вонючим илом... Обидно мне, что золотая рыбка Прогнивший мир считает целым миром.
Choosing iambic pentameter and saving eleven syllabic, M. K. Khamraev managed to prosper closer to the original, unlike his predecessors. His octet is the closest to the original in content and form. Thus, he creates a melodic atmosphere ofArkhipov's sad chant. The translator is also good at intonation: the phrase is covered naturally, freely and easily by the stanza. It can be only argued against expressive expression «вонючий ил» - "smelly silt." This excessive verbal clarity "breaks" into lyrical
lines roughly and vulgarly. M. K. Khamraev does not use a substring, and translates directly from the original, that is why he retained almost all the features, that became the result of a more successful version of the translation. After all, he approaches the translation not only as a poet, but also as a literary critic, bilingual, fluent in Russian and Uzbek languages.
The only thing that really fascinates and at the same time unites all four translators is that they were able to adequately reproduce the wisdom, philosophical conclusion concluded in the last two lines.
Thus, looking at the above translations, we will see that the translator-poet does not give up his view of the landscape, and is not exempt from his own optics. In this case, it would be appropriate to quote the words of Ya. I. Retsker: "The product of a truly high lyric has an infinite semantic perspective, and therefore it is possible not only one translational solution, but theoretically, an infinite set. If we are faced with a number of talented, artistically holistic translational options, it is not easy for any of them to give unconditional preference, since the translations of the same thing reveal a brilliant original from different angles» [9].
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